Month: January 2024

To Be Tempted

~ Scott Howard ~ Leave a comment

Luke 4:1-2 says,

“Then Yeshua, filled with the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit), returned from the Yarden and was led by the Spirit in the wilderness for forty days of testing by the adversary”

Did you notice that it says, “…was led by the Spirit…for forty days of testing by the adversary”?

I never noticed that Yeshua was sent to the wilderness FOR THE PURPOSE of being tested BY SATAN. I always thought that the testing can after the forty days, not during.

Today it dawned on me that I too, at times have faced trials from God and I didn’t realize that these trials were for the purpose of strengthening me.

I then wondered how often I passed those trials and how often I failed.

I shudder to find out.

I had no idea

~ Scott Howard ~ 1 Comment

As I mentioned in my last post, my daughter past away just before Christmas.

Even though I am in my 60s, this is my first experience with the death of a close family member. Naturally, I’ve lost other family members, but they didn’t live with me or even close by. My grandparents all passed when I was young, my dad died in his 80s but lived in a different state. My sister was killed by the medical system during COVID, but she’s too, lived several states away.

My daughter and her kids lived with my wife and myself and have for the past 13 years.

So this one is hitting…hard. I have never experienced the sudden tears at the most bizarre moments. Listening to music, reading something online, just anything.

But for me, the worst part is the overwhelming fatigue. I simply have no energy for anything. It’s literally all I can do to get up and going in the morning. Once I get going, I’m okay. But getting there is way harder than anything I’ve ever experienced.

Someone please tell me this will pass.

Please.

It’s Been A While

~ Scott Howard ~ Leave a comment

I will readily admit that I am not very good at blogging/journaling. I try, but it seems I look up one day and several weeks if not months have gone by and I haven’t written a thing!

I have a little bit of an excuse this time. My adult daughter (42) had a bad home accident and, after 2 months in the hospital, died on December 23rd.

Needless to say, my wife and I have been “running around like chickens with our heads cut off” to coin a southern phrase.

We held my daughter’s memorial service this past Saturday and Sunday the funeral home delivered her ashes back to us. I had been holding up pretty well until then, but the damn burst yesterday.

So this morning we wake up and wonder, “Now what?” We still have bills to pay, accounts to close, agencies to notify, but what do WE do? How do WE move on?

Adding to our stress live (I didn’t realize I needed to vent some more!) my daughter’s death has broken up our home. My daughter has 4 children (3 from her ex and 1 from a former boyfriend). She and they all lived with my wife and me.

Since my daughter’s accident, the father (the ex-boyfriend ) of her youngest (a son who was my heartbeat because he was born just before I retired and he and I have been inseparable since) has exerted his right to have his son live with him. Which I understand, but it still hurts.

Additionally, we do not know what the father (the ex-husband) of the other 3 is going to do.

So we have potentially gone from a family of 7 to empty nesters in just three weeks. I don’t really think it will go that far because the two oldest are nearly legal adults and have said they want to stay with us. But the not knowing weighs on us.

You may be wondering why our daughter and her children live with us in the first place. Well, the father of the 3 oldest was married to my daughter when he was sent to a school for the military where he met what my father used to call a “sweet young thing” and decided he needed to be with her rather than his wife and 3 children. So 13 years ago, after 10 years of marriage, he literally dropped them at our door and left. A couple of years later he married sweet young thing.

Meanwhile my daughter went to pieces. I won’t go into all the details, but she spent several years in depression and seemed to be on the mend when her accident occurred.

Anyway, that’s how she and her kids wound up with us. We had jelled as a single family unit and were all happily living together until her accident.

So, what now? I simply do not know.